


Baby Don't Hurt Me No More

by Anonymous



Category: Barbie - All Media Types, Dora the Explorer (Cartoon), JoJo's Circus (Cartoon), Once Upon a Time (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Boots is a twink, Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, Cringe, Enemies to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Slow Burn, author takes no responsibility, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28055895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Two unlikely forces unite over one word, balance
Relationships: Boots/Swiper, Jojo Tickle/Thanos, Swiper/Goliath
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is all because of an unbalanced washer machine

Greed, corruption, power. Beings craving to dominate others. Death and destruction blooms from life. Life, growth, happiness. They polarize into a vicious cycle, leaving no room for the weak. The universe thrown out of balance. 

She had watched it grow since the beginning of time. She has watched empires grow and fall, hero’s win the day, villains slither from the shadows. 

Immortality was quite lonely. Perhaps that is why she first set foot upon a doomed planet Terra, a place the natives simply called Earth, such brainless fools for naming their home the most uncreative name imaginable. 

She took on various jobs, learning from the so called fools, but soon learned humanity might be worth all the trouble. Thus she put out a call to all, impressive and valiant beings. 

The first, a mad man cast out from his own people who has made it his personal mission to see the universe is perfectly balanced. A titan named Thanos.

Second, a blonde goddess, much like herself, who possesses some of the most powerful magic when her hero complex doesn’t interfere. The daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, Emma Swan. 

Next on her list, a red haired, ten foot queen with a nose bright enough to rival Roudolph. A girl now a woman, with one clear goal. Her name was JoJo Tickle. 

And finally, a woman whose hair was cut with a bowl and a lawnmower, who haunts grown adults’ childhoods with repetitive phrases and lifeless eyes. A woman called Dora the Explorer. 

She secretly wished this team could rival that of Nick Fury’s Avengers, he bragged about them too much at reunions, and someone needed to put him in his place. 

With hope in her heart, she put out the call, a telepathic wavelength, penetrating dreams so summon the chosen ones. Barbara Millicent Roberts hoped they would be enough. 

  
  


* * *

When JoJo answered the summon that interrupted her wet dream, she wanted nothing more than to destroy it, but something spiteful urged her to accept the call anyways. So she traveled back to the planet of her youth, never expecting to set foot on it once more, yet here she was, with her mortal enemy pinned to the wall, knife pressing into his throat as she growled a warning. 

He shouldn’t be here. He was a monster, and yet he’s scolding her on caring for the state of the universe. 

“Why do you care?” Thanos screamed.

JoJo smiled, a sardonic smile a hunter would give their prey before the arrow was released. “Balance, balance, keep your balance,” she whispered oh so sweetly, “Arms out straight and keep them wide.” 

Thanos never felt so aroused and terrified at the same time. He wanted to wither under her gaze, but somewhere a voice inside of him said, “Balance... perfectly balanced as all things should be.”

She cocked her head, drawing back in slight shock. But she would be lying if she didn’t say she wasn’t intrigued by this strange purple man infront of her, pinned beneath her knife, a man she chased around the universe battling for control of planets, fighting for...

“Balance” they both say, gazing deep into each other’s eyes, as if it was for the first time they were seeing clearly. 

An explosion erupted behind them, a turmoil of red and orange emotions. The golden light illuminating their skin, igniting sparks both around them and deep in their hearts. The world around them melted away, their worries fading into an abyss. Only the balance between them was left. 

JoJo’s lips parted, a thought, a fantasy, but she shook her head drawing her back to reality. She sheathed her blade and offered a hand to the smaller man before her. 

“Perhaps we aren’t so different after all,” she mused. No, this was an enemy, he terrorized worlds, but balance her mind kept arguing. Balance. The most important thing in her life. Her drive to get out of bed, knowing the universe will be better than the day before. 

“Perhaps not,” Thanos gravelled. Oh how his voice rumbled deep in his chest, almost like a purr. “I’ve only wanted what is best for the greater universe. When I was just a boy my planet was dying.I offered a solution. They cast me, saying I was a madman-”

“A mad man,” JoJo scoffed, “a mad man indeed.” Pain buried deep in her memories bubbled up, sepia memories of Croaky and Tater, Dinky and Bel Boa, of Mrs. Kersplatski’s classes. No, she couldn’t relive that. “A mad man who brings balance through death and destruction-” she choked on her words. 

“A necessary sacrifice for the greater good,” Thanos reasoned. “What would you propose instead?”

JoJo deadpanned. There was no way he was  _ this _ stupid. “Double the universe’s resources.”

Thanos froze, his eyes widening in sudden realization. He had never considered that before. It would never work, the greedy will always take more, hoarding resources and creating, he shuddered, imbalance. 

“Well,” JoJo concluded, “we’re here for the same reason, perhaps we can find a way to work together.”

She gave him a teasing smile. 

“Perhaps we can.” His eyes glinted in lust, a sudden need to be dominated, as he followed her out of the room. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Seeing Boots across the battlefield left a bitter taste in Goliath’s mouth. Memories of the long nights with Swiper and the ultimate and utter betrayal, in the end, had fueled him ever since the best summer of their life. Boots, the twink he was replaced with, sits not even ten yards from his face taunting him with his petty tail flicks as if to say he chose me not you. Every fiber in Goliath’s being tells him to obliterate Boots. 

In blind rage and turmoil, Goliath lashes out and becomes blinded and consumed by rage. When the lion regains himself, he looks down to see the body of the little monkey and his bright red boots. God, did he hate those boots. The taste of cheap perfume and the lack of showers leave a disgusting taste in Goliath’s mouth, wishing he has some Sunny D to wash it down. Or maybe just Swipers’ D.

“There that will show Swiper that I’m not just some summer thing,” he thinks.

Quickly, Goliath disposes of the rest of Boots' body to ensure that no one will learn what happened. With blood dripping from his mouth and Boots out of the way, Goliath longs for his past lover and hopes to rekindle the old flame between them again. In the corner of his eye, he catches a glimpse of the fox staring down at him.

________________________________________________________________________

_ Warm, peaceful waves lap the shores. The golden light from the sunset catches Swiper’s fur illuminating him in all of his glory. Goliath wishes it could be like this forever. Nothing but the warm summer sun and their love. But he knows it can't the summer will end and they will have to part ways and return to their respected masters, Dora and JoJo. Can he truly be in love with the enemy? Could they leave the fight and run off together? Could they stay forever trapped in this moment with only inches between them? There are too many questions left unanswered. _

_ The couple relax in easy silence. _

_ After hours, Swiper is the first to speak. “Oh Goliath my love,what’s on your mind? I can feel the turmoil within you.” _

_ Goliath didn’t want to spoil the precious moment so he simply stated, “Nothing is wrong sweet cheeks”. _

_ “Well, I think we need to have a talk,” said Swiper. _

_ “About what?” he asked, dreading the answer. _

_ “About our future,” Swiper stated, trying to conceal the hurt. “I think we should break up. After all this was only a summer fling. Was it not?” Saying those words pained him, as he could not stand hurting Goliath.  _

_ And there it was the last words Goliath wanted to hear. “Is this because of Boots? I know you used to have a thing, but you have told me how that twink used to abuse you? Treat you like nothing.” _

_ “How dare you accuse me of such things. I would never return back to that monster,” growled Swiper.  _

_ “My sweet darling, I just can’t stand seeing you broken again. You have made so much progress healing yourself,” purred Goliath.  _

_ “BUT I CAN'T STAND SEEING YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FRONT FIGHTING WITH THE ENEMY!” yelled Swiper. _

_ “You don't have to. We can leave the fight behind and go off. Just the two of us, with nothing but our love. We can start fresh somewhere deep in the galaxy where no one would recognize us and we can start over and be happy”.  _

_ The tears begin to form in Swipers’ eyes, luckily his mask conceals them. Swiper knew he could not abandon Dora and the fight. Not when they were so close to victory. But every fiber in his being told him to scoop up Goliath and run off together. Be the fox Goliath deserves. _

_ “But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be with you. This was only a summer fling and it was amazing. But we cannot be together. We will never be together.” Swiper lied, but this time it did not come easy.  _

_ “I am so sorry my sweet lion. But this is the end.” _

_ With those final words, Swiper left Goliath alone on the beach. _

_ Goliath could not believe his ears. Just this morning they woke up next to each other fully in love, and now they are no longer together. His worst fears came true. And he was alone. _

_ __________________________________________________________________________ _

Swiper could not believe his eyes. Was that Goliath, the love of his life who he left alone on the beach all those nights ago, down on the battlefield? Swiper strained his eyes to see better. Indeed it was. Butterflies form in the fox’s stomach as he lusts to be dominated again by the strong lion. 

A flash of red blinded the fox as Boots rushed down to fight Goliath in an attempt to keep Swiper away from the lion. Swiper anxiously watches as his two lovers engaged on another in the heat of battle. 

In the blink of an eye, Swiper hears a screech then looks down to see Goliath’s face dripping in blood and Boots' body lying in the dirt headless. Swiper could not believe what he just witnessed. Had Goliath really killed Boots? 

Before he could answer that question, Goliath abandoned the battlefield with Boots’ body in tow. 

Swiper allowed his instincts to take over and he bolted to where his lover stood in order to get answers. “Goliath”, he shouted.

The hunky lion with a mane of fire turned to see his foxy lover pleading for forgiveness. 

“My dear goliath I know you don't want to hear this from me right now, but I always loved you. from the moment I first saw you I knew you were the feline for me” (end say something nice)

“How dare you stand before and beg for my forgiveness. Have you no shame and cower before me?”

“I-”

“Zip it, I’m talking. You must understand that the night you ripped my heart out changed me forever. You left scars under the surface they may never heal. The void of emptiness inside me will never be filled again”

“I loved you even at the moment I left you. This was never how it was supposed to be. It is always supposed to be just the two of us. As I stare into your melancholy eyes I see nothing but pain and sadness, how there is a flicker of hope and love. Whether it be for me or another I do not know nor do i deserve to find out”.

The fox was cut by the lips of the lion firmly pressing on his own. “Oh how I have missed. I never could hate you and-”

Another was landed on his lips, but this time with acceptance and forgiveness. The passion they once shared that one summer was not gone and the flame never went out. 

“I never meant to hurt you,” said Swiper. “I am so sorry it had to be this way, but trust me you will never have to be alone again”. 

Tears began to fill Goliath’s eyes. He spent years living off of his hatred for Swiper and being abandoned with little explanation. And here he stands in the midst of a bottle begging for forgiveness.

In the end, they all lived happily ever after in the name of balance. JK they were executed for treason in the name of creating imbalance.

  
  



End file.
